Sign up at the Registration Desk to unlock the three Crowds of Adventurers outside the tower. Each Crowd has a different stat associated, which determines the number of monsters to defeat in each to clear it (ranges from 1 to 10 monsters).
: Signing up for a contest with a high enough stat causes that Crowd have only one monster. Not making that threshold when signing up causes that Crowd to have a proportional number of monsters.
Fastest: Have at least +400% Initiative
Strongest/Smartest/Smoothest: Have at least 600 Muscle/Mysticality/Moxie (will not be main stat)
: Looking Low from A Telescope reveals the attribute and (with at least one upgrade) the element chosen for the contests, allowing preparation before starting this quest.
Enter the Courtyard to meet Frank and unlock The Hedge Maze.
Pass through The Hedge Maze, which has 9 sections, which each take an Adventure and have two choices: left or right.
Going left advances one section.
: Going right leads to either a damaging trap, or a combat. Surviving that advances two sections. If always choosing right and surviving, this finishes the maze in 4 Adventures, going through 3 elemental damage traps (90%, then 80%, then 70% of maximum HP, survivable from full HP with at least 7 resistance).
: With 2 or more upgrades, A Telescope reveals the elements for the first (2+ upgrades), second (3+), and third (4+) elemental damage traps.
Defeat the wall of skin. This wall has 50 HP, reduces all incoming damage to 1 per source, is immune to stuns and staggers, ignores all Monster Level modifiers, and attacks for increasing percentages of maximum HP: 5%, 30%, 55%, and 80%, imposing a 5-round limit in combat.
: Using a variety of damage sources (such as attacking familiars, Passive Damage, and Prismatic Damage) to defeat the wall means not needing to spend turns on the beehive.
Defeat the wall of meat (base Meat Drop of 200, ± 40) until it drops at least a total of 1,001 Meat. This wall has 700 HP, and attacks for about 15% of maximum HP each round.
: With no bonus Meat Drops, this wall must be defeated 5 times, on average. Having at least +525.625% Meat Drops ensures at least 1001 Meat from one combat. (2018) If Singing Along to "Total Eclipse of Your Meat" (+25 base Meat drop), +456.111% Meat Drops ensures 1001 Meat from one combat.
Defeat the wall of bones. This wall has 20,000 HP, 1,000 defense, is a size-100 group monster, fully heals after taking any non-group non-lethal damage, is immune to stuns and staggers, and attacks for increasing percentages of maximum HP: 10%, 30%, 50%, 70%, and 90%, imposing a 6-round limit in combat.
Gazing into the mirror costs an Adventure, and grants the Confidence! intrinsic (+20% to all attributes).
: Breaking the mirror does not cost an Adventure, and increases The Naughty Sorceress' stats and makes her immune to stuns and staggers.
Defeat the Shadow opponent. The Shadow has 395 HP, 150% Initiative, blocks nearly all non-healing combat actions, and attacks for about (17% of maximum HP) + 95 damage each round.
The Shadow only takes damage from healing actions.
Defeat The Naughty Sorceress. She removes all beneficial effects at the start of combat, may block skills and combat items, and has 3 forms, but takes only takes 1 Adventure to defeat. Having the Wand of Nagamar (quest item, does not need to be equipped) instantly defeats the final form.
Bear Verb Orgy, in The VERY Unquiet Garves, unlocked after being defeated by The Naughty Sorceress' third form. This Adventure appears after defeating about 11 monsters here.
Free King Ralph XI from the prism to complete the quest.